A Reverie

“…I fall upon the thorns of Life! I bleed! …” ~ Shelley

The antique Grand Father Clock in the adjacent room struck twice—certainly reminded me that I have been sitting here on the narrow windowsill for nearly three hours. I was doing nothing. Or may be I was performing the most important task—thinking about her. My eyes were fixed at the darkness of the night outside, a light occasional breeze was rambling through my hairs and also making the smoke stuffed room a little comfortable for living.

In the faded blue light emitted by the lamp on the wall, I gazed at the blue bed beside the window. She had made that for me three and half hours before.

She had glanced her beautiful lively eyes on me and with a smile incomparable she told me to sleep well through the night and had wished me sweet dreams.

I am all awake since then. How could I keep my head on that pillow that is still warm with her touch! How could I have sweet dreams sleeping on a bed that had always rested her mellowing body through out the night! How could I have peace when she is not anyway near!

I was all awake since then, looking at the dark outside, having smoke one after another.

Most silently the half shut door became full wide open. At once blood brimmed out at my heart. In the faded blue light I saw a silhouette standing at the frame looking at me. With a transparent gown it was standing in front of me in a silhouetted figure. I could not see its face in the dim faded light—I was desperate for more light—“Light! Give Me Light!!”—I cried out in agony; but nobody seemed to care for me—neither did the light became brighter. The silhouette was still standing at the door—all move less—all silent.
Hurriedly I rushed at that—I stumbled over and crushed on the stony floor. Before loosing my sense I heard the silhouette to burst out in laughter—immediately I identified that voice—it was She I was thinking of whom since last three and half hours!

On recovering myself I looked up—She was not there—the door was still half closed. I looked around, astonished, as, Her laughter was still echoing in the small room. I looked everywhere—She was no way near me—as usual!

I glanced everywhere—desperate—I was full awake to accept Her with all my passion; but She was no way near me—as usual….

From The Diary of A Village Teenager

Dear God,

In the short span of my seventeen years life I have heard the family members and relatives say a number of occasions that what ever You do, You do for our betterment. From the very beginning, when I was only able to walk one or two steps or capable of uttering very little meaningful words—my kith and kin taught me to trust You—keep faith on You.

Slowly I grew older and my faith on You gradually increased with my age. Like every village teenager, I was also educated the rituals of paying homage to You; and was occasionally handed over the charge of Your daily adoration when my mother was ill. You Yourself know at Your heart that I never neglected in offering my tribute to You; neither did my dedication come short. I grew up older only with an ever-increasing faith on You.

Dear Father, as You know, in traditional Hindu agriculturalist families like ours it is not the custom to send the women of the house to have conventional Higher Studies; and we are not an exception. My father wanted to arrange for my marriage but I became a rebel—perhaps for the first and last time in my life. I wanted to sit for my Higher Secondary Examination at any cost. After a prolonged physical and mental torture, after wasting a few gallons of salted eye-waters—finally I win. I win to fulfill the final desire of my life—my H.S. Exam. And You know, Father, I paid the entire credit of my victory to Your feet—regarded it to be Your mercy on me.

The Exam was about to begin in two days when all on a sudden everything shattered to bits. The political turmoil that was continuing for last few months on the handing over of land to Govt. suddenly reached the extreme point.

Shots have been fired, blood shed, roads blocked, bodies thrown away, exams postponed! I was tensed over the sudden unexpected changes—but still I kept my faith on You. I knew, You would do no harm to me. You will just not allow any harm to land on me.

And then came the night. My exam was to be started on the following morning. On the evening I spent a long time praying to You, so that I can have good marks.

And then came the night. At the darkest dead hours they came—they came, only to destroy my dreams. They were about to slay my father when with a shriek I jumped and enfolded him. They seized me. They seized my hand so brutally that I still have cut marks of nails near my wrist. They seized me to a field under the starry sky…………and all I remember is pain, extreme suffocating pain. Oh! God! I can’t tolerate the pain any more!

Dear Father, now I ask You, is this all that I deserved? Is this the way You work for our betterment? Is it for this I kept my life-long faith on You? Is this the way You protect Your earnest lovers?


Devotedly Yours,

Me!




(Gratitude: Sandipan Tarafder, My Pal.)

An Intoxication Personified!

Have you ever been tasted the paining essence of intoxication? Have you ever been lost control over your own brain and heart due to the inevitable consequence of some over-dose of narcotics? If you do have the experience you would be able to understand easily how it actually feels. My conscience seems to lose control seamlessly over the spell of on “Intoxication”. An Intoxication personified!

It is this “Personified Intoxication” that constantly squeezing me–even to the last drop—to extract all my vivacity, all the passion of my weakening heart—to its own will.

It is my fate; and I cannot but succumb to its unavoidable influence. It’s tearing me apart—always forcing me to speak out all that lie deep into the darkest core of my heart.

I look minutely to my own reflections and I begin to despise myself.

Saying “I Love You” Is Not Enough!

Some words in this universe are better felt than heard.

Imagine yourself to be whispering to the ears of the lady of your dream the three magnificent words day in and day out. Though the words are universally acknowledged and most enthusiastically liked, they are sure to lose both weight and impact if practiced in a regular basis.

Now, these very feelings that those three words convey could be portrayed without uttering a single of them—and perhaps, in a more effective way.

Just think of offering a small bud of Red Rose—newly plucked—to her beautiful hands without any special occasions, or buying her something as little as sweet candies—(as in my case, my “Dream” likes to taste ‘Cough Drops’ whenever she is doing nothing)—and see the instant effect. It is almost inevitable that she will at once greet you with a most desired hug and with a thousand watt smile that needs no more explanation.

Have you ever considered of offering her unasked help when she is busy at the other corner of the house with all her regular household rituals, and you are comfortably seated on the sofa enjoying every moment of the live telecast of that great India-Australia cricket match with some empty vessels of coffee rested peacefully on the centre-table? If you didn’t, well, you should—at least, once in a blue moon.

Dear friends, you don’t have to make a big hole at your pockets and purchase her a diamond necklace to make her happy; just offer her a miserly nail-polish of any standard make and say: ‘this colour suits your pious nails much more than anything else’—and see the result.

How many mornings a year do you prepare the breakfast for her? Well, you needn’t to blush—do it for once a year—and leave the responsibility to her for the rest 364 days. Even then it will do the trick for you.

And you thought you love your lady very dearly as you have made a habit of saying “I Love You” each and every morning and in every little occasion! And you were wondering why you miss that much-awaited flash of glee in her eyes despite loving her so deeply!

Surely friends, only “I Love You” is not enough!